The Problem with Twilight - a review in waiting.

Okay. I'm discovering that this whole blog for reviews isn't really working out for me. I'm too lazy and refuse to dedicate the time required to perfect a well phrased and worded review. This one however, cannot wait any longer. 

I came home from Eclipse a couple weeks ago having thoroughly enjoyed myself. Those movies are brilliant. I consider myself an intelligent person and as a result do not find that statement a challenge to that intelligence. Furthermore, anyone who admits a connection to the media-driven understanding of love and romance pushed on us everyday by American society, cannot (repeat CANNOT) say that the Twilight Series is not page after page of cultural genius. 


The vampire phenomenon is not new. We must note Anne Rice's Interview with a Vampire, first a book and then a movie, which tells the tragically epic story of a man who becomes a vampire after wishing too closely for death after his wife and baby die in childbirth. Three years after its release, my generation will remember, the hit TV show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which followed an incredibly lame high school student as she fought to defend her generation against the evil of its day - Vampires. 


If you haven't noticed in your however many years, we as a human race are fascinated with that which is not our own. We are fascinated with worlds we cannot understand and will never be a part of. This goes back much further than the early nineties. J.R.R. Tolkien played on this with Middle Earth as did C.S. Lewis with Narnia. It also surfaced in the late nineties with the release of Harry Potter (closest to my heart). Anyone who read those books knew the vernacular for every spell and charm in there. The best part was imagining a world in which those phrases and arm gestures worked. As a surprise to no one, Twilight is no different. And appropriately so. 

Stephanie Meyer has found a way to feed (pardon my awesome pun) on our fascination with Vampirical life, while developing a very deep and blood boiling love story. It's straight up Christian Porn (a phrase coined by a dear friend that I will perhaps elaborate on later). All the viewer wants is for Edward and Bella to find a way to work it out. But what is that way? Is it for her to become a vampire too, so they can live happily in their stunted 17 year old physical state? Or is it for them to accept the passing of time and love each other as long as they are both alive? Then you add in Jacob with his eye-brow raising abs and his heart stopping smile. He loves Bella just as much as Edward, without presenting the problem of a very altering and painful life change. 


Let me ask you something - do you like romance? Do you like a slightly skewed presentation of true love? Then you like Twilight; even if you're not willing to admit it. 


But here's the problem. It's just so ridiculous. There's no getting around it. While the effects in the movie are decent and the acting passable, my intelligence - the same intelligence that allows me to appreciate this cultural phenomenon - helps me understand that it is not good. While I appreciate the well formed, albeit holed, love story, the presence of the good vampires, the enemy vampires  the wolverines and now the Volturi (the very powerful government - for lack of a better word - over all vampires), will never even out. 


Stephanie Meyer, you have won in many ways. You will never, however, be great in your victory because what you have created is laughable at best; at least for those of us who can keep our libido's at bay.